8 Things You Can Do When Your Life Is in Shambles (or It Feels Like It)
It's good, and very helpful, to know how to make yourself feel better when things aren't going that great in your life. These 8 things apply to everyday life and may be especially helpful to those who are struggling during this uncertain time. So here we go:
Focus on the good. Even the bad good. For example:
this person broke my heart and lied to me, but he was a broke asshole who wasn't good enough for me anyway.
See, there’s ~good~ there, well at least there’s a lesson, and lessons are good. We need lessons to grow. Instead of sulking over the bad for forever, it's better to process it, understand how you feel about it, locate the lesson, and move on. [See, this is why we get mad when people say “just let it go” or “move on”. There’s no “here are some steps before you can just take all of your problems and toss them in the fire”. Useless.] The most important thing (at least to me) is allowing yourself to process it. To sit in your sadness for a couple of minutes, hours, days (however long it takes, but not too long) and FEEL IT. You have to feel your own feelings so that you can locate them and work on removing them from your everyday life and feelings. It's important to be as aware of yourself and your feelings as possible. Just be conscious and intentional of the efforts you’re taking to make the change to feel better.
Reach out. When things are going bad, the worst thing to do is only listen to yourself. When you’re feeling low, and negativity is constantly in your mind, the only thing you’re gonna think about is the negativity. At that point, or even better, at the first sign of “oh hell nah” call somebody up. Let them know that you need to talk and ask if they have time to. Sometimes you just need to talk it out to hear your own feelings out loud. As much as those of us who don’t like to ask for help, don’t like to ask for help, we need it sometimes. So call somebody, anybody you feel comfortable sharing with and let it out.
Pay attention to your habits, both good and bad. When things are going wrong, most of us get weird: we overeat, overdrink, oversleep, isolate ourselves, etc. We don’t feel it happening at first, but then other people start to notice and ask us what’s wrong. “Nothing”, we mutter as we stomp back to our dungeon. But something is wrong, and one of our bad habits is saying that it isn’t. Whenever I start to feel these bad habits starting to form, I usually let them grow. I feed them with negative thoughts and sleep. This doesn’t help me, at all, it just makes things worse. By the time I realize that I’m down really bad, I’ve already slept a couple weeks away. Nothing interests me, and I don’t feel like doing the things I love. I usually snap myself out of this trance and get myself together, but that takes practice. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of awareness to catch yourself when you’re falling. Do you know how hard it is to catch yourself when you’re falling? Pretty darn hard. However, when you learn how to regain your balance and stand up straight again (on your own) things will be just fine (well, better).
Look cute. No joke, it’ll make you feel better. (If you need help with this one then check out my next blog post).
Do things that you like to do. I cannot stress this enough. Do. The. Things. You. Like. To. Do. If you like watching The Office in your bed then you do you, but don’t lay there all day and let it turn into a habit. Do ALL of the things you love (or at least try). Read, write, paint, draw, sew, watch movies, watch youtube videos, and learn random stuff. Do it. I will admit that it is difficult to just get out of bed and do stuff when you really don’t feel like it, but you’ll thank yourself later. You’ll thank yourself for getting the hell up and doing something with your time, because you’re awesome and going through something, but still awesome.
Read, write, and repeat self-affirmations. Please discover self-affirmations. Please manifest those positive feelings (from yourself!) into your reality. Look up different self-affirmation and positivity accounts on Instagram and Twitter and follow them. Honestly, whenever and wherever you can find self-affirmations write them down. Start a journal or notebook and fill it with self-affirmations that you will then, (hopefully often) look back on during your journey. (And believe me, it is a journey, one that takes practice, discipline, and understanding of yourself.) Use these words to manifest a happy and healthy relationship with yourself (that you deserve). We talk to ourselves all of the time, why not make some of that convo just telling ourselves how awesome, amazing, and beautiful we are?
Be Present. Feel how you’re feeling in the moment. Feel it, process it, and reflect on what exactly is making you feel this way and why. It’s probably the most important part of getting through it (and learning to live and feel the good parts).
Meditate. A friend of mine and I have had many conversations about meditation and what it can do for the mind and body. It calms, it refocuses, it cleanses, it refreshes and it recenters you when you’re feeling out of sorts. It’s a moment in which you can simply be. We need to remember that our minds, along with our bodies need rest. So if you’re new to meditation, check out some youtube videos on how to do it. Get excited about the idea of spending quality calm time with yourself and then try to make it a habit.
So, those are 8 things that you can do when your life is in shambles. These are just suggestions, but I highly recommend that you look into them so that you can feel less crappy and better about yourself overall. It might feel overwhelming with this many things to think about in the midst of your life being in shambles, but please remember, take baby steps and take life one day at a time.
If you have any particular topics that you'd like me to write about then please leave a comment. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading!